I’m done feeling guilty for having friends.

For wearing skirts.

For wearing my make up different, because you don’t like it.

For working so many hours, when really it’s to save up money for our future.

But when I have money, you want me to pick you up.

To buy you food.

Weed.

Drinks.

Smokes.

Whatever.

Then I’m broke.

I took out so many piercings for you. 

Deleted my facebook for you.

Stopped cutting my bangs the way I like to.

Grew out all of my hair.

Bite my nails to the nub.

Lost so so so many friends because of you.

Changed so much of my life, to satisfy you.

I have to take 40mg of antidepressants everyday, and I keep getting diagnosed with more and more shit by doctors about what’s wrong inside my head.

I’m dependent, that’s my biggest flaw.

Not all the shit YOU point out.

I’ve done nothing wrong, other than letting you control my life.

I love you so much, it’s painful.

We have good times, too though.

But that balance between good and bad is slowly starting to lean more towards the negative side. 

Let me live as myself, or I’ll die as nobody but your puppet.

Posted February 20th at 11:46pm Notes: 6